How Did I Know I Wanted to Be a Mother

Around the age when you’re asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I already knew I wanted to be a mother.

I was maybe five or six years old.

I remember thinking, Sure, I want to be a doctor because I want to help people and I want to support my family. And naturally, I assumed that when I was older, I would grow my family with a husband and children.

It seemed simple.

But my perspective on motherhood, marriage, and family shifted quite a bit as I got older.

“I Want to Teach This to My Children”

My parents divorced when I was young, and I watched my mother experience many of the hardships that come with being a single mother without much support. Across both sides of my family, there were also very different values surrounding marriage, family, and what life was supposed to look like.

At one point, marriage and motherhood sounded scary to me.

There was a phase of my life when being career-oriented sounded safer, more manageable, and less risky. Deep down, I still wanted those things: the husband, the children, the family, but I was actively avoiding them.

And what started as a small phase eventually became ten years of living a lifestyle that didn’t prioritize family at all.

It rarely crossed my mind that I would ever find my soulmate or have children.

Then I heard the Qur’an recited for the first time.

And, almost out of nowhere, I had this thought:

I want to teach this to my children.

Preparing for the Family I Wanted

Starting a family was nowhere near the horizon. I wasn’t even Muslim yet.

But it is so interesting to me that Allah placed that desire into my heart and mind before I had even said my shahada.

It was maybe two years before I converted to Islam and about five years before I eventually got married, alhamdulillah.

After I was laid off from one of my dream jobs, I began to feel ready to shift my life in a different direction. I saw it as an opportunity to use everything I had learned and the skills I had developed toward something different: nurturing my future family.

As I prepared to move back home and eventually begin the search for a husband, I started doing small things for Allah, but consistently.

I had a whole morning routine dedicated to Allah. I developed a list of questions I wanted to ask a potential spouse, along with a list of non-negotiables.

Because yes, I wanted to be a mother and a wife.

But before any of that, I felt that one of my greatest responsibilities was finding a good father for my children.

Especially because I didn’t have a paternal wali.

I still gave my father the opportunity to be involved in the process, but ultimately, a teacher I trusted served as my wali and helped me navigate and negotiate the terms of my marriage.

There is much more I could say about that process, but I think that deserves its own post.

Eventually, alhamdulillah, I got married.

And within our marriage, my husband and I agreed on a few things that were important to me about motherhood.

What I Hoped Motherhood Would Look Like

First, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother.

Not simply in the sense of not having a job outside of the home, but because I wanted to be the main caretaker of our children. I wanted to cook for them, educate them, be present for their everyday lives, and give that role a significant amount of my attention and effort.

I knew that would require a lot from me, and I wanted a husband who understood and supported that.

Second, I wanted us to wait at least a year before having children.

I wanted time with my husband, to travel with him, enjoy our marriage, and get to know each other on a deeper level before becoming parents. I wanted us to have the opportunity to simply be husband and wife first.

And third, I wanted our children to grow up in the masjid.

I want our family to be at the masjid as much as possible. I want us to serve our community and take care of our masjid together.

InshaAllah, I hope it becomes a place where our children grow up surrounded by an extended family, not just because being around other Muslims can encourage us to become better Muslims ourselves, but because I want my children to see their parents participating in and caring for their community.

Of course, I am very aware that Allah is in control of everything.

In fact, I was ready to have children sooner than I expected.

A lot of that had to do with how supportive my husband has been, not only physically, but emotionally as well. When I look at everything Allah has given me, including the experiences of my upbringing and the rizq He has provided me, I can see how beautifully things came together.

Alhamdulillah.

Six Months Into Motherhood

I never became a doctor.

Eventually, I chose a different career path, and eventually I stopped chasing the kind of validation that came with being career-oriented.

And now my son is six months old.

I get to watch him grow and, in a way, grow alongside him.

I am learning how to be his mother while also striving to become a better Muslim alongside him.

And I think that’s why I wanted to write this.

Not because I have motherhood figured out. I am only six months in.

But because I wanted to remember what I hoped for.

Motherhood is exciting, and it moves quickly. I think I needed to stop for a moment and remember the intentions I had before I ever held my son in my arms.

So this is a reminder to myself.

And if you’re already a mother, or hoping to become one someday, inshaAllah, maybe it can be a reminder for you, too.

Before we get caught up in everything motherhood asks of us, it might be worth remembering why we wanted it in the first place.